cracker99 commented : Hi there all, First time poster here, am looking for some advice as I am considering popping the question to my Thai girlfriend in about two months. My question is, does anyone have any experience or cautionary advice for anyone planning to marry a Thai and take them back home to they country of origin, with the family being such a big thing in Thai culture, how do they adapt? Are there anyways of making this easier? My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other off and on for about 18 months, she work in Pattaya selling real-estate and I work in Cambodia (fly over ever couple of weeks for a long weekend). I’m from UK original, now Resident in New Zealand, andwhile my job in Cambodia may last for a year or more (and there a possibility of work in Vietnam) my intention is to return to live and work in New Zealand eventualy. I have just gone through a long winded process of getting my girlfriend a Tourist VISA for a holiday in NZ (only 10 days long) and you would think I was importing a terrorist the level of paperwork, and finally a $3000 bond, required. My intention is that if she like NZ I’ll pop the question while we are there and she can come home and tell her parents. Now I have read the ‘Thai Fever’ book and found it very useful, but the fact that my girlfriend never seemed keen to take me to see here parents is getting me worried. She is 30 y, divorced and has a 6 year old daughter who grandma looks after back in the village. Now I gather by Thai standards that makes her both an ‘old maid’ and ‘used goods’ (crazy as she is such a wonderful person and everyone who meets her thinks so). So her family should be keen for her to get wed to a farang as a Thai would be unlikely to be interested in her for marriage. She says her older sister is known for dragging boyfriends back to meet her parents and it brings shame on family because she never marries any of them, so she is not bringing me home till she is sure. In addition to this older sister, she has 6 brothers who are all either farmers or laborers (she is the rocket scientist of the bunch) and don’t seem to contribute much to her elderly parents support. So I get the feeling that if we get spliced its going to be us (e.g. me) making the major financial contribution to their retirement (fine within limits) till they pass on (and then according to other posts here, pay for the funeral/wake). No there is no chance of them coming to live with us later, as if I can barely get my girlfriend a TOURIST VISA for NZ there in no chance of a Retirement VISA for her parents, but is this going to be a factor in her (and their) decision making? Any advice or am I a just a little paranoid and/or thinking to far in advance?

Anonymous commented : But I think most countries in Asia, actually in the world, including Japan, Family is more important than work. But the difference between Japanese and Thais, based on my opinion, is the attitude of work. Thai people are pretty lazy compare to people in our neighbour countries. In the past, Thailand was plentiful in term of agriculture. We were not be colonized. Our country was so peaceful. (only the war with Burma but it was not a big war compare to other wars in the region.) So, our life was kind of comfortable. We didn't need to work very hard. We could survive by agriculture whereas our neighbour countries had to work very hard for survival. The affect is Thais are easygoing, unhurried, kind of lazy... you see, why lottery is so popular here. Corruption is never died. They'd prefer to lie you or cheat on you for selling product once instead of planning long-term strategy for keeping customer sustification. Parents never feel guily to sell their daughter to be minor wife, be bar girl or be sold by rich guy. (how can people who earn money by easy way realize the value of the money. Money's come fast, money's gone fast too.) There is not only Thailand where is a lot of poor people, but also many countries in the world. So, please don't say that poor Thais have no chance to work. It's up to them to choose which way to survive. I don't complian only Thais who choose easy way to make money e.g. a bar girl who work less harder and get higher paid compare to a salary woman. The problem is also from Thais law which is kind of support entertainment industry. Thus, there is no wonder why you see a lot of special massage place, including Entertainment place, in Thailand. So, my conclusion is we need to improve our education. We must teach our new generation to "Think", not only "follow and copy". They have to plan for long-term, not think for only survival. I wish my country will be developed as equal as Malaysia.. soon.. (since we were more advance than Malaysia 15 yrs ago. but now) I wish my country will be not overtaken by Vietnam, Philippine along with Indonesia soon..

Anonymous commented : Justin, To follow on what Sardines said, we did exactly that, Mayaysia, HK, Singapore and Vietnam with corresponding entries in my passport. Our first try failed, but we got a better idea of the requirements and put together a much better package the second time. One of the reasons I advised about the truth is when we went back the second time they returned some documents that they had been holding and had we of supplied erroneous info we would have been denied. I will add that the second time was a breeze for us, but out of the 200 or so people we and a monk were the only ones who obtained a visa.

Anonymous commented : Colin - I completely agree with you. And Thailand must have been a great place when you got married to your wife. But Thailand's missed a lot of its' opportunities - and now countries such as Vietnam, not to mention colossus China, are catching up far faster than anyone expected - and leaving Thailand for dead.

Anonymous commented : The fate and the wealth of Thailand is not in the hands of Thais, but of Chinese. And Chinese are the most xenophobic people worldwide. They have the power in Thailand. Vietnam resisted better to their control and grasp on their own country. Thais says they were never colonized ? This is not true : they have been been colonized by the Chinese who fled their country and communism. Do you think Mr Thaksin is a Thai ? He is a Chinese. This is why he is so rich... In Thailand, 10% of Chinese have 90% of the wealth, and they do not want to share with farangs !

patrickoniam commented : The reason why marriage laws are different in thailand from western countries is just that. We are not a western country. Yes, tourist is a big part of the Thai economy and yes, its good that there are foreigners that are living and working or planning to live and work in thailand. its good to have that diversity.not just economically.Im a thai living in australia and its very multi national here aswell. But historically, western countries like to 'take over' so to speak. we are only doing what we have been doing for the past 3 or 4 centuries, and that is, protecting our national interest. Look at the other countries in our region. Laos, Cambodia and Vietnam were colonised by the French, Hong Kong was colonised by the English and Philippines by the Spaniards and later the U.S. We are the ONLY country in the south east asian region not to have been colonised by ANY western country. And i for one, am very proud of that fact. And its because of laws like the marriage one we have in place, is why we still havent been colonised. I know that it probably wont happen in this day and age but its still how it is. And i can understand that alot of westerners like to live in Thailand because everything there is so relaxed, and i dont blame them. You cant do half the things you can in your own country like you can in Thailand.Or whether its to find a wife or just a change in pace, anything at all for what ever reason, if we just let people come in so freely and live and to own this and own that and to buy everything, because obviously, westerners have more money, then what is left for the Thai people? and where would our country be then?

Anonymous commented : Siper - the first thing which ought to be said about all the posts below is : it's surprising Thailand gets ANY foreign investment at all - given how prohibitive Thailand's anti-foreigner laws are. These are even more "communist" than Vietnam, Laos, or Cambodia - all of which allow foreign companies 100% ownership. Cambodia has the most free-market, red-tape-free visas anywhere in South-East Asia. Simply pay a business visa - that's all you need. Vast contrast to Thailand's every increasing bureaucrazy.

Anonymous commented : In fact you don't retain control in this way. As an American, in Thailand since Vietnam days, said to me : "it still does n't stop somebody with a gun simply coming around and forcing you out". It is well-documented that this happens a lot. But it does depend on who your Thai partners are, and where in Thailand. The problem is that when the partners are no good, there's little or nothing an ordinary farang can do about it. If you have good Thai partners, of which there are many, you're lucky to be living in a lovely land.