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Anonymous commented : I might be guilty of gross generalisation here, but I see too many gay men make a huge deal out of being single. For most other people, being single is a matter of choice because perhaps other things take precedence, like career, studies, family. But for the gay man, being single is like a judgment delivered on his market value. And being single is not so much a matter of 'not having found the right one', but 'not being able to find the right one'. It's a disease that you can't protect yourself against. One Saturday night, you'll be at home, watching taped episodes of Friends, or reading that novel you had forsaken half a month back, and without warning, the Spectre of Singlehood will cast its shadow over you and you're suddenly seized with those familiar pangs of abandonment. Call it what you will: existential crisis, a Jungian shadow, depressive angst, but the fact is that you're being locked out of that colourful procession outside your room where people are holding hands, speaking in the language of birdsong and Spring, and sharing deep, meaningful, ineffable kisses. And the thing about this Spectre of Singlehood is that unlike its skull-headed cousin, he isn't carrying a scythe but a mirror. And in this mirror you examine your reflection for faults. The dangerous thing about the whole affair is that very soon self-pity becomes self-abuse, and your self-esteem takes a beating. We are all outraged by gay-bashing, but we often don't realise that some of the most profound damage is self-inflicted. One of the interesting questions that a friend once asked me was whether there was any contradiction to being both gay and single. I thought it was a flippant inquiry, until I examined the context of his question. What does it mean to be gay in Singapore? We haven't hooked ourselves on to some kind of common cause towards which we can devote our time and energy through political and social activism. In countries like the US, the AIDS epidemic has provided the queer community with a platform in which to achieve both a voice and visibility, the fundamental prerequisites of establishing an 'identity'. The idea of a gay 'community' in Singapore is at best, tenuous -- we know the government doesn't want to recognise us from the simple gesture of rejecting PLU's application for the status of a registered society. Under such seemingly repressive conditions, we turn our gazes towards each other and become more fragmented. And ultimately, our search towards recognition leads us towards one person we call many names: partner, lover, boyfriend, my significant other. In Singapore, couplehood is what often stands for 'community'. Another thing that contributes to our singlehood anxieties is the fact that before we finally sat down and told ourselves that being gay is not a choice but a discovery, we had been leading a life of denial. We had a phantom adolescence, one where faint stirrings were sensed but never duly acknowledged. While hormones chorused during our polytechnic and JC days, we were simply curious bystanders to Valentine's Day rituals of giving flowers, secret-admirer notes slipped into lockers, canteen gossip of who is currently dating whom. After our coming-out turning-point though, we realised another world existed. This kind of awakening could have been galvanised by the Internet, chance encounters, upon stumbling into certain information and literature. We realised we had company. We realised that two men, perfectly masculine in all aspects, who go mountain-biking or swimming or play tennis together, could also share a bedroom. And with this realisation came the urge to erase past shames and the denial of reciprocity, a revisionist 'gay adolescence', which for many gay people happens in their late teens or early twenties (or even later for some). We want to make up for lost time. We want to do all the things we thought we were denied, and top on the list is to find a boyfriend. Or perhaps that's about the only thing on the list. But wanting to love and be loved in return is a fundamental human need (except in the case of gay men it seems to ignore Darwinian biological commonsense). That's the root of the matter isn't it? And no amount of persuasive rhetoric can deny the fact that being in the embrace of someone is better than staring at your computer screen at a 'Men on the Net' website with a hand in your boxers. It is an impulse which poets describe, philosophers analyse, but which nobody is able to explain. But I'm talking about pitting singlehood against couplehood, and privileging the latter over the former. One is not a higher form of the other, is not its fulfilment and destination. The relationship between the two is not hierarchical but dynamic. Being single should not be defined as the absence of an 'other half' -- it denigrates you. When we invest our happiness in couplehood, we deny ourselves the ability and the right to create our own happiness. Of course all of this goes against a wave of evidence manufactured by Hollywood, sentimental ballads, Hallmark cards, and the impenetrable facade of lovers. People in love seem to project this sense of self-sufficiency bordering on invulnerability. They have this glow, this spring in their step, and when you call a friend who's in his honeymoon period of couplehood, you hear a purring voice that's smug and dreamy, where the subtext reads, 'how are you, I've just had my prostate massaged and it was sheer bliss'. But if we can somehow get beyond all these 'someone-has-the-key-to-my-happiness' yearnings, then we'd realise how underrated solitude is. Being single can also be a state of grace. There's the introspection bit, the re-prioritising of affections, the calling up of friends you haven't kept in touch with, the family bonding, a sensitivity to one's surroundings. Somebody single can even have a certain glow on his face, and even though it won't be a post-coital one, it is a glow nevertheless. Perhaps one day, us singles will finally be recognised not as people waiting in the wings for their turn, but as people who have simply chosen a lifestyle we are comfortable with. And that doesn't make us frigid or cold or emotionless, it's just that our loves are multiple and dispersed over so many other things: poetry, jazz, rock-climbing, our pet dog, our ten-year old niece. Perhaps gay men will stop whining about being left on the shelf because honey, life isn't a supermarket and it's ridiculous to think that you're worth as much as a roll of paper towels or a jar of pickles. Well, as for me, I'm happy enough being where I am. My parents are in good health. I can have ugly, sloppy days in the company of close friends and not subject myself to the tyranny of 'first impressions'. And the best thing about friends is that what is past becomes history, and not some kind of baggage. For true friends very rarely keep small scores. Someone might have just gotten hitched to his eighth boyfriend, but I have just finished watching videos of Fellini's La Strada and some Kurosawa shorts. At the end of the day, it's about self-actualisation. If being attached would mean that you'll become a better person, a happier person, then you should go ahead and aggressively pursue that other half. Me, I'm not waiting for anyone, and I want to say it as a statement of fact rather than a resigned fatalistic sigh. It's possible that someone out there is waiting for me though, which is quite a thought. But before I let him through the front door he'd better be able to complete my favourite phrase when I prompt him: 'Quietness without?--Loneliness'. And understand and appreciate what it means. To me. To him. To us.
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14 replies, 14,207 views
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Anonymous commented : s crossed.Met my Thai wife on internet,met her,married a year later,sold my business and moved to Thailand.I am now 50 yrs old,shes 21, a hugh difference I know. So far she takes good care of me and we are happy.I see it as a second chance.
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Anonymous commented : ate that started out over the internet and letters grew to phone calls, up to when I went to thailand for a week and a half and had a Buddist traditional engagement ceremony and white string ceremony. I had to pay a dowery of 10000 baht and buy grandmother a gold necklace and rings for my fiancee and I. I had the time of my life. I met her family, only problem I realy had was the small language gap. She speaks ok english, but its a lot better then my Thai. We are working towards getting her a Fiancee visa. And so far we have no problems. I send her 50 dollars a month but am thinking about increasing that to about 150 because I consider her my wife and wish to take care of her. She never ever asked me for a dime. Even when i was over there I had to beg her to let me buy her anything, she thought I SPENT way to much. I am a very happy man, and I would recommend that if you want a good wife...dont go to bars or you will get a bar fly. I got lucky that my best friend and his wife, set me up with a family member. Please email me if there are any questions, I would love to chat . charwiz
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27 replies, 36,653 views
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Anonymous commented : i wife. We married after many internet chats and emails over 5 months. Im 31 and she's 25 but we have a problem already. We applied for a marriage visa this week and we have been told that because we marry after only such a short time that she needs an interview. I have been told I cannot attend by my agency we are using to help with the visa, is this correct? it just feels like this embassy unprofessional, how can they make an accurate decision without interviewing me? I believe they are doing it so they can turn around and say to my wife that they do not belive her and our marriage is "staged". What should I do? any one with advice would be gratefully received. Dom
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64 replies, 66,876 views
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Anonymous commented : uying books and searching the internet but they are too general and not really helping. Perhaps you are right that I might be more comfortable in a more diverse mix cultures. Thank you Adam & Jeff for taking time to response to my message.
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39 replies, 17,828 views
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Images search for " internet "
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Anonymous commented : are not what you read on the internet, they are what WHITE WOMAN WANT TO BE>>>>
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17 replies, 9,795 views
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Anonymous commented : n and I have been combing the internet to try and understand Thai culture, divorce and marriage laws, bar girls and found this forum. She has belatedly agreed to co-signing an annulment, and wants him to apply for the K-1 afterwards. However, when he asks that she and her mother or whomever, and nephew meet him in Bangkok where they married for annulment, with him paying all expenses, hotel, plane, etc. She refuses and says they must meet in Khon Kaen. My son worries that it wouldn't be safe to return to Khon Kaen. Although agreeing to co-signment of a non-contested divorce, she seems to be talleying up "her" expenses---could they hit him with a big bill for costing her "face" or whatever...and refuse to let him leave the country w/o his first paying? With a police chief father, who seems to really enjoy finding drug cars, which the police can then keep for themselves, and an uncle who is a lawyer---and the kind of records she seems to be keeping---it seems highly unlikely that my son can sail in, sign, and sail out. Would a proxy be allowed? The girl, herself, seems to rather naive, she has been caring for her sister's (who married a farang GI) child since the boy was 2 years old---the child is constantly being refused immigration by Thai authorities. The family seems to have an agenda of their own and she is just a pawn in the game...or so it seemed, until last spring when she seemed to change character from a loving bride and began ranting for more and more money. (We chalked it up to some translator writing the letters...perhaps even her sister who is now rich via marrying a farang who later became successful businessman. NO to spending outside the budget, but she just went ahead. Then threatened to become a bar-girl if he didn't send between 450 and 500 dollars a month. Later, she said this wasn't a serious threat, only a "test" of him. Originally the future wedding ceremony in Khon Kaen was agreed by the family to be: $1000 bride price, a modest ceremony which could be up to a $1000, and a diamond ring. Then this spring, arguing for $400 or $500 a month--which was never agreed upon priorly although she claims so--she also demands now for the wedding: 150,000 bahts for mother; 150,000 bahts for reception which the Mom will cater ; and 150,000 bahts for show at wedding--with an unspecified amount returned later. One one-carat diamond ring. She now claims if these demands aren't meant her parents will refuse to let her come to America. Also, recently she has said if $250 monthly isn't sent to mother then she won't be "allowed" to go. Once in America, she claims she will try to pay half of Mom's costs. My son thought maybe they could get non-contested annulment and then apply for a K-1 visa for her---as it seems risky to bring her to America as a wife---while he would be protected if she were only a fiancee. If they were simpatico here, they could marry in the US, and then return for the Thai ceremony in a year (and he could get a pre-nup before he marries her here.) Would this work?
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44 replies, 19,067 views
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VDOs search for " internet "
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Father assaults man who bested young son at video game
By Bangkok Post
Posted at 05/11/2015 Clip length 01:31
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2 replies, 2,412 views
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Anonymous commented : t . i had met my wife via the internet on a website called friendfinder.com . i truly loved my wife and was hoping of a happy future but her greedy family had other intentions . we divorced in may 2005 , she went to court with an interpreter claiming she couldnt talk or understand any english , she made up very cruel lies about me , she was given legal aid , while i had to pay thousands for my solicitor . i had to give her £ 10,000 settlement . she is now back in thailand . i dont hate her , i hate being made to feel like a complete idiot and being ripped of by my own countries legal system . THINK before you marry a thai , because once they step foot in england , they have more rights then you and they can make up many lies about you .
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17 replies, 7,003 views
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Anonymous commented : de exhaustive searches on the internet looking for any hint or clue of a scam called Thaiwives (I know the space is missing) owned by a Mrs Preeyarat Oeste without success. Anybody on this site familiar with it in a city of Roiet, Northeast Thailand?
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5 replies, 5,158 views
Is Thai guy a good man to marry??
By Anonymous, Created on: 30/06/2002, Last updated on: 18/09/2007
» I met a Thai guy by chance and wonder if I get the right man?? Can any thai men and women give me some advise?? Thanks a lot!!
its not always right that
By Anonymous, Created on: 20/12/2002, Last updated on: 12/08/2010
» actually i have a thai pretty girlfriend who being my girl for a year now. and i think thai women are serious and good one bcoz of i've known thai friends both men and women and they're not think about your money in their brain! now a days, they can work and earn as much as men can do. don't look...
British Embassy in Bangkok
By Anonymous, Created on: 05/10/2004, Last updated on: 25/02/2011
» In March, my Thai partner wanted to visit me in London. Before granting a visa, the Embassy wanted a mountain of paperwork including proof of my income, whether or not I woned my own home and a whole lot of other things. At this stage, I have to say that we have many controversial issues in the UK...
Understanding the American ways
By Anonymous, Created on: 16/10/2004, Last updated on: 28/03/2007
» I am a Thai lady who left Bangkok at the age of 20, lived in Singapore for 11 years before residing now in the US for the past 4 years. I lived in California for the first year & a half and now I live in Boise, Idaho. Determine to upgrade myself educationally, I enrolled for classes at the local...
How difference between Thai lady and Us lady
By Anonymous, Created on: 25/11/2004, Last updated on: 19/04/2007
» I need to know why many Us guy falling with Thai lady.
thai divorce and property law
By Anonymous, Created on: 21/02/2005, Last updated on: 16/01/2006
» I'm a U.S. citizen and married to a thai guy in U.S., he has nothing in U.S. but business ownership, land and bank accounts in thailand. our baby is going to be U.S. citizen, i want to know, is it true by law that he told me that i cannot co-own any business, land or bank account of his? what can...
About marriage agencies in Thailand
By Anonymous, Created on: 09/05/2005, Last updated on: 27/02/2006
» Hi! My name is Sorin and I'm writing you from Canada. I'm starting this topic becasue I met a Canadian man who is married from several years with a Thai woman. I understand that he met her by using a marriage agency in Thailand, but he didn't give me any details. I wanted to ask if there is somebody...
bringing her back to the uk.
By Anonymous, Created on: 23/11/2005, Last updated on: 31/08/2007
» I am a 30 year ole optician from london who has met a girl while on holiday in thailand. I am going back out there to see her in may, what sort of complications are there going to be in bringigng her back to the uk? I assume marriage is a given.
marriage scam
By Anonymous, Created on: 06/01/2006, Last updated on: 06/12/2007
» i want to expose my ex-sister in law ( siriporn parman sibley ,nee: wachirarat .) and her husband ( stewart james parman sibley ) . these two slimy snakes used me to get her sister ( sureerat wachirarat ) into england by means of marriage , they made me believe that sureerat was madly in love with...
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