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The prospective In-laws

By cadcolin, Created on: 14/07/2010, Last updated on: 01/09/2010

» Ok so i meet my dream girl who has agreed to be my wife meet the parents got there blessing everybody is happy been back in the uk a week and the prospective in-laws are now currently organising the society weddding of the century my gf is crying all the time her parenst have gone completley crazy...

• faranginkorat commented : [quote="temple":19km3nmm]:evil: why the farangs alway talk about this,it is the thai culture that the daughter will take care of the parent if you cannot understand so you do not think about to mary thai girl.study more thai culture.[/quote:19km3nmm] There are several reasons that many of us resent the assumption that we will support the parents-in-law. 1. There are two cultures involved here, why assume Thai culture prevails? 2. The parents had 40 years to work, save, and invest for their retirement. If they failed to do that, why is that our problem? 3. If support of parents is so important, maybe our Thai wives should get jobs so we can send money to our parents?? 4. I've supported the wife's family for the last 10 years, and her father isn't even polite to me. He graduated the 4th grade and I graduated M.I.T. twice. He inherited family land and money whileI was from the second of my father's three wives and inherited nothing. He failed at everything he ever tried, I didn't. I pay for his food, medicine, electricity for air-conditioning, bought his vehicle for him, paid off long term family debts, and he expects me to kreng jai him????? I just retired early at 55 and the money to the family stopped. Curious, nobody has started sending me money!!! I have land I will sell when I am older if I need money. He has land he can sell, but I hear that is not consistent with Thai culture. Why should I give him my savings so that he doesn't need to sell his land and then sell my land when my money is gone????? He sold family land 15 years ago for huge money, enough to have retired on, and that money was gone in a year. (He has a designer watch he paid 30,000 THB for when he had money but now he wants me to feed him??? I have no designer watch, no watch at all in fact.) Has Thai culture changed so much in 15 years that it was OK to sell land off the family homestead then but he can't now sell distant rice paddy that hasn't been used in 35 years?? The wife's older sister hasn't given the parents a single baht yet, but has money to buy a brand new Isuzu Adventure, and went on a tour of India last year, looking for some place that Buddha might have visited.......... (I will resume support after they sell unused assets to support themselves, after they stop travelling the world (two extended vacation trips to the USA in recent years), and after the sister-in-law agrees to provide an equal amount.) I could go on and on. What is consistently true in Thai culture is that people want easy money with total disregard for where it comes from. My savings come from having started working and saving when I was 11. I have always driven old cars, drank cheap beer, not had coffee with breakfast at McDonalds, and always saved for the future. Her family, who have saved nothing, are perfectly happy to piss away what I have and leave me with nothing for my retirement. And I have told my family that I would take the long swim (or put a gun to my head) before asking my daughter for support. Asking your children for support is the ultimate admission of your total failure in life. Now do you understand a little more about my culture???????????????????

• overhaul38 commented : [quote="faranginkorat":202bdcoz][quote="temple":202bdcoz]:evil: why the farangs alway talk about this,it is the thai culture that the daughter will take care of the parent if you cannot understand so you do not think about to mary thai girl.study more thai culture.[/quote:202bdcoz] There are several reasons that many of us resent the assumption that we will support the parents-in-law. 1. There are two cultures involved here, why assume Thai culture prevails? 2. The parents had 40 years to work, save, and invest for their retirement. If they failed to do that, why is that our problem? 3. If support of parents is so important, maybe our Thai wives should get jobs so we can send money to our parents?? 4. I've supported the wife's family for the last 10 years, and her father isn't even polite to me. He graduated the 4th grade and I graduated M.I.T. twice. He inherited family land and money whileI was from the second of my father's three wives and inherited nothing. He failed at everything he ever tried, I didn't. I pay for his food, medicine, electricity for air-conditioning, bought his vehicle for him, paid off long term family debts, and he expects me to kreng jai him????? I just retired early at 55 and the money to the family stopped. Curious, nobody has started sending me money!!! I have land I will sell when I am older if I need money. He has land he can sell, but I hear that is not consistent with Thai culture. Why should I give him my savings so that he doesn't need to sell his land and then sell my land when my money is gone????? He sold family land 15 years ago for huge money, enough to have retired on, and that money was gone in a year. (He has a designer watch he paid 30,000 THB for when he had money but now he wants me to feed him??? I have no designer watch, no watch at all in fact.) Has Thai culture changed so much in 15 years that it was OK to sell land off the family homestead then but he can't now sell distant rice paddy that hasn't been used in 35 years?? The wife's older sister hasn't given the parents a single baht yet, but has money to buy a brand new Isuzu Adventure, and went on a tour of India last year, looking for some place that Buddha might have visited.......... (I will resume support after they sell unused assets to support themselves, after they stop travelling the world (two extended vacation trips to the USA in recent years), and after the sister-in-law agrees to provide an equal amount.) I could go on and on. What is consistently true in Thai culture is that people want easy money with total disregard for where it comes from. My savings come from having started working and saving when I was 11. I have always driven old cars, drank cheap beer, not had coffee with breakfast at McDonalds, and always saved for the future. Her family, who have saved nothing, are perfectly happy to piss away what I have and leave me with nothing for my retirement. And I have told my family that I would take the long swim (or put a gun to my head) before asking my daughter for support. Asking your children for support is the ultimate admission of your total failure in life. Now do you understand a little more about my culture???????????????????[/quote:202bdcoz] Well said.... I don't think most Western husbands object to helping (the operative word is helping) those less fortunate but I think the resentment comes when they feel taken advantage of and not respected.

• EODGhost commented : [quote="faranginkorat":2y5zo91i][quote="temple":2y5zo91i]:evil: why the farangs alway talk about this,it is the thai culture that the daughter will take care of the parent if you cannot understand so you do not think about to mary thai girl.study more thai culture.[/quote:2y5zo91i] There are several reasons that many of us resent the assumption that we will support the parents-in-law. 1. There are two cultures involved here, why assume Thai culture prevails? 2. The parents had 40 years to work, save, and invest for their retirement. If they failed to do that, why is that our problem? 3. If support of parents is so important, maybe our Thai wives should get jobs so we can send money to our parents?? 4. I've supported the wife's family for the last 10 years, and her father isn't even polite to me. He graduated the 4th grade and I graduated M.I.T. twice. He inherited family land and money whileI was from the second of my father's three wives and inherited nothing. He failed at everything he ever tried, I didn't. I pay for his food, medicine, electricity for air-conditioning, bought his vehicle for him, paid off long term family debts, and he expects me to kreng jai him????? I just retired early at 55 and the money to the family stopped. I have land I will sell when I am older if I need money. He has land he can sell, but I hear that is not consistent with Thai culture. Why should I give him my savings so that he doesn't need to sell his land and then sell my land when my money is gone????? He sold family land 15 years ago for huge money, enough to have retired on, and that money was gone in a year. (He has a designer watch he paid 30,000 THB for when he had money but now he wants me to feed him??? I have no designer watch, no watch at all in fact.) Has Thai culture changed so much in 15 years that it was OK to sell land off the family homestead then but he can't now sell distant rice paddy that hasn't been used in 35 years?? The wife's older sister hasn't given the parents a single baht yet, but has money to buy a brand new Isuzu Adventure, and went on a tour of India last year, looking for some place that Buddha might have visited.......... (I will resume support after they sell unused assets to support themselves, after they stop travelling the world (two extended vacation trips to the USA in recent years), and after the sister-in-law agrees to provide an equal amount.) I could go on and on. What is consistently true in Thai culture is that people want easy money with total disregard for where it comes from. My savings come from having started working and saving when I was 11. I have always driven old cars, drank cheap beer, not had coffee with breakfast at McDonalds, and always saved for the future. Her family, who have saved nothing, are perfectly happy to piss away what I have and leave me with nothing for my retirement. And I have told my family that I would take the long swim (or put a gun to my head) before asking my daughter for support. Asking your children for support is the ultimate admission of your total failure in life. Now do you understand a little more about my culture???????????????????[/quote:2y5zo91i] Brother, you hit the nail on the head. I have no problem helping those less fortunate when honest mistakes or bad luck has befallen someone. But, no way will I be an ATM machine to someone who chose not to take responsibility for their own fate and pass their financial irresponsibility on to me. Sure we've had different opportunities but when you show complete disregard for your own family by TOTALLY neglecting your finances, it's hard to give sympathy and harder still to give money when you know it is to a never ending open mouth/hand. Help yes, but handouts, no thanks.

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